Stop Comparing, Start Observing

A gentler way to grow in dance — and in life.

Not long ago, I was watching a video of a couple of friends dancing at a social, and I found myself go from admiration and genuine interest to insecure comparison. From the complex turn pattern, to the creative musicality, they had their own unique style but in that moment all that mattered was the comparison that I dance nothing like that.

And that change was almost instant, my thoughts taking a turn:Why don’t I look like that yet? Why is my movement still so stiff sometimes? What am I doing wrong?

It’s a feeling most dancers know. The comparison. The internal judgment. The tightness in your chest when it seems like everyone else has it figured out and you’re just... behind.

But the more I watched, the more I was able to address that internal process. I caught the thought mid-spiral and gently asked myself: What could I learn from watching them instead?

That tiny reframe changed the entire experience.

The Shift That Changes Everything

When we compare ourselves to others, we tend to zoom in on lack. We focus on what we’re not doing yet, where we fall short, or why we haven’t “arrived.” But that mindset is heavy. It narrows our perspective, and over time, it chips away at our confidence.

Observation, on the other hand, is lighter. It invites curiosity.

Instead of: Why am I not like them? Try: What is it they’re doing that I could study or explore in my own way?

Suddenly, you’re not falling behind—you’re learning. You’re participating. You’re growing.

Comparison Clouds Clarity

Comparison often comes from a reactive place. It feels emotional and urgent: I need to be better right now. But it’s not usually rooted in understanding or intention. It doesn’t help us see things clearly—it just adds noise.

Observation is different. It asks us to pause, look closely, and really notice what’s going on.

What kind of tension do they release through their arms when they spin? What happens just before that smooth crossbody lead? How do they respond to the music in those moments between beats?

You stop focusing on who’s ahead and start seeing what’s working—and how.

Replace Critique With Curiosity

We all have that little voice in our head that says, “You’re just not good at this.” Especially when a move doesn’t land or we’re feeling stuck in class.

But growth doesn’t come from tearing ourselves down. It comes from asking better questions.

Instead of: “I’m bad at this move."

Try: “What’s actually making this feel awkward? What can I play with here?”

That kind of curiosity is powerful. It doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the challenge—it means you’re approaching it with self-compassion and active awareness. That’s what builds consistency and resilience in the long run.

Progress Looks Different on Everyone

One of the dancers I was watching that night had been training for nearly ten years. The other had a background in ballet. Their grace came from a unique mix of time, repetition, and history. I haven't been dancing that long, and I definitely haven't learnt Ballet.

So when we compare our progress to theirs, we’re often comparing apples to galaxies.

Your journey is layered. Some things will click quickly. Others might take months or years. That doesn’t mean you’re behind—it means you’re doing the work.

When you step into observation mode, you start honouring your own pace. You give yourself the room to grow without needing to meet someone else’s timeline.

Gentle is Powerful

This isn’t about lowering your standards or pretending everything’s perfect. It’s about finding a sustainable mindset—one that doesn’t burn you out or make you fall out of love with dancing.

Growth doesn’t always come from pressure.Sometimes, the best thing you can do is slow down, watch, reflect—and try again.

Comparison drains. Observation teaches.

Choose the mindset that helps you stay in love with the process.

So next time you catch yourself comparing, pause.

Breathe. Observe. And remember: you’re not behind—you’re becoming.